October 4, 2016
During this period of uncertainty and waiting, I have been seeking the Lord. Early on in the IVF cycle, I vowed to myself not to become consumed with possible pregnancy symptoms, taking home pregnancy tests or looking up symptoms online. Instead, I have been reading my bible, praying, journaling and spending time in praise and worship daily. I have felt a shift in my focus and perspective. I do not feel anxious or in unbearable suspense as to what the blood test result will be. I have pre-determined a heart of praise regardless of the outcome. I opened my bible this morning to read, and opened right up to the first chapter of Job. I decided to start right where I opened up to and quickly came across the following verses in the first chapter. It picks up when Job learns that his oxen, donkeys, servants, sheep, camels, as well as his sons and daughters, have all been killed. And this is Job’s response:
20 At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship 21 and said:
“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
and naked I will depart.[c]
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;
may the name of the Lord be praised.”
22 In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.
I went on to read the second and third chapters, and came across this verse in the second chapter:
10 He replied, “You are talking like a foolish[b] woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?”
I don’t know why these verses stand out except that maybe God is preparing me for something. I hope I’m wrong, but I have not had a single pregnancy symptom. Don and I are praying and believing in faith that we will have a positive pregnancy test.